Sometimes you’re the glass.
Tag: self esteem
Balancing
Balancing acts are hard. They just are. All of them.
It doesn’t matter if you are trying to manage your work/life balance or teetering on the verge of failing on another diet, the choices we make and the thoughts that lead to those choices lead to noise and chaos in our brains and ultimately in our bodies.
One of many balancing acts I’ve been performing is the acceptance/denial of living with chronic pain. But perhaps not in the way that one would expect.
Here’s the wrinkle:
If I accept the fact that I have chronic pain that creeps into my life and how it affects my ability to do the things that I want, am I truly accepting this fact if I want to tell my story to bring awareness and inspiration to others? By accepting that which is, but also indulging in discussion on the subject, am I simply feeding my ego and therefore not truly accepting?
This is a ridiculous point to most, I’m sure. What difference does it make? It makes a difference when you are working on healing your mind to get out from under depression and therefore more pain. See the cycle?
When I just get out and do the things there is nothing special about it to anyone other than me. When I tell others that I’m living with chronic pain AND getting out and doing the things then there is a “wow!” that follows. It has inspired some and while I found that motivating at first, I find it rather exhausting at the moment. But which is the right way to be? There must be a balance.
There needs to be a balance of my accepting the pain, not dwelling on the pain, getting out and doing, being inspirational, avoiding depression from thinking about it all the time. I’m spinning a lot of plates. It is surprisingly difficult to clear the clutter from your mind. The moments when I do are joyful and physically feel so much better. The change is incredible.
I Should be on the Side of a Milk Carton
Because I obviously went missing.
Life does that to you. One minute you are full of dedication and enthusiasm for a cause or task and then next you are dragged away to take care of something more immediate and pressing. Careers get in the way of our hobbies and responsibilities to others encroach on our “me time.”
This month, the month of my birth, I am taking back my time. Never one to toot my own horn (and very likely to just give my horn to someone else completely) I generally don’t put myself, my needs, or my accomplishments ahead of others. But maybe that’s a huge reason why my self esteem is lying in a crumpled heap in a dark corner? Perhaps in order for others to value my existence and contribution to the planet as a whole, I need to first value myself.
Don’t look at me that way.
Work just kicked my ass hard. I spent all of August and most of September in a flare up of either Rheumatoid Arthritis or Fibromyalgia (no one really knows) and it sucked. We put in long hours with all the stress and all the physical labor. Stress, lifting, little to no sleep, long exhausting hours? No wonder I was in a flare. But that all came to a close at the end of September and now life can return to a normal rhythm. I decided that this is the perfect opportunity to reset my entire self. Celebrate my birth month, treat myself to the little things I enjoy, relax, partake in my hobbies, run and take photos!
And I’m doing just that.
#TeamKAG 